Dave Urso

Innovation. Education. Inspiration.

Blog

Leader Failing Forward

by Leave a Comment

During my sophomore year at JMU, I decided I wanted to be the Duke Dog. To be fair, the intense passion to be the Duke Dog ran for about a two week window between when I saw a flyer announcing auditions for the role and the day of the audition. I arrived at the audition location and lined up with several hundred other students. The line was moving quickly as students would enter into a changing room, put on the Duke Dog outfit, and then proceed into another room and entertain the gathered decision makers. 

My turn came and I enthusiastically suited up and went into Duke Dog mode. I was excited. I was enthusiastic. I was ready. I jogged into the audition space and I stood there. And I waited. There were all sorts of props on a table in front of me. I didn’t pick up or interact with a single one. I stood there. And I waited. One of the members of the panel cheered, “Wave to the crowd!” So I waved. And I put my hand back by my side. And I stood there. And I waited. Another panel member coached me, “Grab that broom and show us what you’ve got!” So I grabbed the broom from in front of me and I held it. 

Did I point to the hypothetical opponent, pretend to stomp on them, and sweep them away? Nope. 

Did I flip the broom sideways and play it like an air guitar? Nope. 

Did I hold the broom over my head rooting for a sweep and stirring the crowd into a frenzy? Nope. 

I stood there. And I held the broom. 

One of the panel members jumped in, thanked me for coming to the audition, and sent me back to change so they could meet the next candidate. 

I did not get to be Duke Dog. 

person standing on top of rock
Photo by Suliman Sallehi on Pexels.com

The Dayton Muddler is a local event designed to both raise money for charity and build a sense of community among friends and neighbors. It’s a mud run, filled with obstacles to test your physical and mental abilities as you push yourself and your teammates to their limit. 

Years ago, I was contacted by the event organizer who shared with me that they needed a motivational speaker to hang out at the start line for the race and hype up participants as they were waiting. I was excited for the opportunity. I was starting to gain some momentum in the motivational speaker space and knew this would be a great chance to expand my base. 

I spent some time researching the Muddler event itself and the charity that the proceeds would support. I planned out carefully the key points race participants should be thinking about that would be both motivational and reflective as they got started. 

At no point did I look into what a start line “hype speech” is supposed to be. (As a frame of reference, here’s Dustin Dorough’s.)

So, I got to the Muddler, got to the start line, and got the microphone. I shared a five minute monologue about why pushing yourself matters, why this specific charity was so impactful, and what it meant to lead a life of purpose. The 50 people cued up for the first heat were kind and respectful, while also looking at me with eyes that said, “Can you please be done so we can go do this thing?” I wrapped up and off they went. 

I wasn’t invited back to be the hype guy for the event again. In fact, I was replaced before the third heat of participants hit the starting line about 45 minutes later. 

man in jump on mountain peak at dawn
Photo by Stephen Leonardi on Pexels.com

Since 2013, Valley Business Keynote has served as a cornerstone event in business networking, growth, and innovation across the Shenandoah Valley. VBK’s mission is to help fulfill potential and is impressive for all the right reasons. 

In 2018, I was invited to be an event speaker. I was gifted the opening slot and charged with warming the crowd up ahead of Kim Scott’s presentation on Radical Candor. I worked with the committee in the lead up to the event and we settled on a delivery for me focused on the concept of being a catalyst for change. 

I spent several months thinking about my message, tweaking the content, seeking input from friends and mentors, refining the content, and preparing to deliver. I focused on the diverse personal stories, skill sets, and professional journeys that would be in the room. I considered my comments with the intentionality and hope that something would connect with each of them. 

The event day came and I was excited. This was my chance. I had always wanted to give a TED talk, and this was as close as I expected to get. I was pumped. I was waiting backstage and just casually chatting with Kim Scott and the event host and I could feel the adrenaline starting to really take off. It was go time. 

I savored my time on stage and delivered the message I had prepared. I enjoyed my time with the audience and I believe it showed. 

Afterward, I could tell that the team who had vouched for me was a bit disappointed with my comments. Their reaction was positive but I could tell it was coated in a bit of let down. We had a formal debrief a few days later and my primary takeaway from the conversation was that I had delivered a positive and important message. It lacked the direction and impact they were seeking, but it was overall just a little bit off. 

Between us, and myself included, we couldn’t determine what exactly was off, and why what I presented didn’t align with expectations. When asked the direct question, “How could it have been better?” no one in the room or engaged in the follow up conversations afterward could provide a direct answer. 

In each of these cases – being the Duke Dog, being the start line hype guy, and being the opening speaker – something went sideways and I failed to deliver what was expected. When that happens, it’s so easy to take it to heart, sit in the distress, and fret over the perceived failure. 

However, with some mental distance from the events, I have a much better understanding about what happened and how much learning took place and value was added to my life as a result of each event.

While I didn’t get to be Duke Dog in front of a packed stadium, I did get a chance to reflect and grow on what it means to interact and feed energy into a large audience. I wasn’t a great hype guy, but being in the race space got me energized about fitness again and started a health journey that continues to keep me motivated today. Not only was I a participant in the Muddler over the next few years, but I’ve done countless other similar events and now even drag my family along as participants, too. And while I didn’t deliver exactly what was needed to the VBK crowd, the experience made me even more intentional about the work I’m doing in the motivational speaking space and the questions I ask to make sure we’re each well positioned to exceed expectations. 

Again, it’s so easy to flip the mindset to simply saying no to asks that challenges your boundaries just a bit. Yet something is lost when that choice becomes a pattern. Having a team of leaders who continue to say yes – even when it’s hard, even when it’s gone sideways on us before, even when we don’t feel like it – is a distinguishing factor in our ability to build the community of tomorrow we are seeking.

Having a team of leaders who continue to say yes – even when it’s hard, even when it’s gone sideways on us before, even when we don’t feel like it – is a distinguishing factor in our ability to build the community of tomorrow we are seeking.

Leader as Fearless?

by Leave a Comment

If we continue to operate in the ways we always have, we’ll continue to generate the same results. If we want to create a better tomorrow for ourselves, our families, our organizations, and our communities, we have to be willing to disrupt our routines.

This disruption might be focused on small items, resulting in minor tweaks to standard practices. Or the disruption might be focused on major overhauls, looking at system-level changes that help us pivot from where we are to where we wish to be. But the disruption will be the result of leaders intentionally challenging established patterns of thinking and working.

Often, leaders who facilitate growth of this kind are labeled as “fearless.” A fearless leader is just that – a leader without fear. A leader who develops a bold vision for the team and fights for that outcome at all costs. These leaders are aware that there will be collateral damage as a result of their decisions, but they persist anyway, rationalizing that this damage is an acceptable price to pay.

While fearlessness has its place, most leaders are better served by developing their bravery instead. Whereas fearlessness is the absence of fear, bravery is acknowledging the fear and moving forward anyway. Being brave is about embracing grit and determination. But above all else, being brave is about having courage. Courage to say what needs to be said, to do what needs to be done, or to stand alone as an outsider.

Sometimes courage is about saying what needs to be said. While listening to the conversation during the meeting, or watching the e-mail thread unfold, a sense of unease sets in with the realization that something is wrong – groupthink has taken hold, key facts are being ignored, a perspective isn’t being considered – and the choice to speak up or shrink back must be made. In that moment, courage is about challenging the groupthink, reintroducing those key facts, or voicing the missing perspective. Choosing the option to speak is not easy. But it matters.

I’ve personally experienced the tension of being the lone dissenting vote on multiple important decisions over the years. I can vividly recall the feeling in the pit of my stomach as votes were called for and the outcomes declared (“20 votes for, 1 against” and “18 votes for, 1 against”). In each case, I knew I was the sole voice speaking against what was happening. Yet, rather than sit silently and allow the already decided vote to simply play out, I spoke up and shared why I felt these decisions were wrong and in no way in the best long-term interest of the team.

I don’t mind when a decision doesn’t go my way. I understand that thousands of decisions are made every month that impact me and the teams with whom I work. So I tend not to overreact to any given decision. I share this story because in each of these cases (and in so many similar organizational conversations that don’t end with votes but do shape the path forward) I am consistently surprised by what I experience after. It amazes me how many comments I receive in the hallway after the meeting, or by e-mail or text later in the day or week, thanking me for voicing my perspective in the moment and sharing the individual agrees with my stance.

While I am thankful for the validation of my thinking, I also find myself wondering whether a decision by this individual to agree with me publicly in the meeting might have changed the outcome. If a second voice had joined mine, would a third have felt more comfortable? Would a third voice then have chimed in? How many individuals at the table had feelings they elected not to share? And what are the consequences associated with those decisions?

Sometimes courage is about doing what needs to be done. Imagine a scenario in which you need to speak with a team member about their performance. He or she is not contributing at the level they are expected to be and you need to have a conversation about accountability. It will be a difficult conversation. In contrast to the fearless leader’s “consequences be damned” approach to the dialogue, the brave leader embraces empathy as the foundation of a constructive discussion about how to best move forward. Being brave means accepting the responsibility of delivering bad news, acknowledging that you might upset someone, and understanding that you may get yelled, but acting anyway. Ignoring reality does not change it.

Consistently demonstrating courage takes practice. There are no short cuts – no courage vitamins or booster shots to speed up the process. Rather, bravery is about listening to our instincts and acting with courage each time the opportunity to do so presents itself.

One thing that helps me choose courage in the moments I need it is a reminder a mentor shared with me a few years ago. The comment was “It’s critical that you are defined by something other than your job. Our jobs matter…but our value is so much more than that.” This simple statement is a constant reminder for me that my leadership legacy will be defined by my decisions in those moments that offer courage. Given the opportunity to stand up or shrink back, I hope that my children and the others I hold close will choose to be brave, because that’s what they saw me model all along. 

Takeaway

Consistently demonstrating courage takes practice. There are no short cuts – no courage vitamins or booster shots to speed up the process.

Leading with Purpose

by Leave a Comment

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. —Mark Twain

One of the most significant leadership mentors I’ve ever had was Dr. Mark Warner. I was fortunate to connect with Dr. Warner when I was 18 and have shared many conversations with him over the years that have molded me into the person I aspire to be today. Dr. Warner is the embodiment of the concepts of challenge and support that stand as the foundation of how great leaders positively transform communities.

During my senior year at JMU, I was enrolled in Dr. Warner’s “Health & Leadership” course. One of the assignments of this course was to develop our Personal Mission Statement. I toiled over the assignment for several weeks and ended up with a submission that included both a picture and a narrative which I felt told the story of both where I was and of where I was striving to go.

For several years, I left a framed copy of the picture and my statement in my closet. It was meant to serve as a daily reminder of my goals. I continue to reflect on the sentiments in that statement often, as I look to make more progress on my personal journey. 

Several months ago, I read the book Leading from Purpose by Nick Craig. Craig’s thesis statement can be summarized as “If you can’t succinctly state your purpose, then your chances of achieving it are nearly non-existent.” He challenges readers, aggressively, to have a crisp answer to the question, “What is your purpose?” His assertion is that the purpose statement for an individual should be less than 2 or 3 sentences. 

Around this time, I was also engaged in an extended study with a group of leaders I admire. So, I added a purpose statement assignment to our research. The purpose statements they shared left me awe-struck and inspired as they renewed my sense of purpose and a true desire to look to leave my areas of influence better than I found them. The sincerity of these leaders’ submissions also led me to reconsider my own purpose, and I edited the picture and narrative from so long ago to a simple statement that I feel reflects my purpose for being. 

Understanding purpose matters – it helps shape decision-making and influences the choices we make as we recruit others to join our team, fight for our cause, and serve as our mentors. Settling on a purpose statement that stands the test of time isn’t always easy, but the effort is always worth it.

Takeaway

My purpose is to build bridges. What’s yours?

7 Lessons to Impart on the Mentees in Your Life

by Leave a Comment

Sharing Advice that Makes an Impact

One of the traits that distinguishes ordinary leaders from exceptional ones is their intentional efforts to develop and mentor the other members of their teams. By investing in the people around us, we position our team for sustained success in both the short-term and the long-term. Beyond that, we send a message to these individuals that we’re interested in them thriving alongside us on the current journey while also setting them up for whatever they choose next.

Effective mentorship involves skills such as listening, problem solving, and content expertise. But beyond all of that, the key attribute needed from the mentor is time. Mentors who are accessible to their mentees and dedicate the time necessary to develop a deep and meaningful connection will yield a far greater return than those who rush through the development process and appear to be simply going through the motions.

Mentees feed off the authentic nature of the mentor’s efforts and tend to respond in kind. This authenticity allows conversations to be both transparent and vulnerable, and ensures that both the mentor and the mentee are drawing the best out of one another.

One thing I hear from many potential mentors is, “I’m not sure I have anything to share.” This is a common refrain, but it normally doesn’t take too long to convince the person they have far more to offer than they realize. When I work with mentees, some of the lessons I focus on sharing include:

  1. Remember you are a work in progress – One of the common conversations I have is listening to someone share their frustration about mishandling a specific moment or situation. In these cases, it’s important to share a reminder that each of us is a work in progress. In nearly all cases, we get the opportunity to regroup and try again tomorrow. We have to become proficient at showing ourselves the grace we deserve and celebrating the small improvements we’re making over time.
  2. No one other than you can define success for you – Many of us experience tremendous external pressure as others (friends, family, social media, national media, etc…) work to define what success looks like for us. Taking time away from these distractions to define what success means to us, in our own words, is critical. It’s inevitable that we’ll face crossroads over the course of our personal and professional lives. Having spent the time to reaffirm our vision for success along the way will make acting in these moments far easier.
  3. When you’re stuck, turn to helping someone else first – There will be times when we feel stuck in a rut and that we’re simply going through the motions. And other times when we are fixating on a problem with no clear solution. When this happens, one of the easiest ways to break out of the thinking trap is to help someone else. By offering time and energy to help someone who needs it, we accomplish two key goals. First, we make our shared community stronger by demonstrating a commitment to lifting up those around us. Second, we accomplish something. And in achieving that tangible outcome, we interrupt our stalled thinking. More often than not, when we circle back to the issue at hand, we do so with an upgraded sense of clarity and perspective.
  4. Life is not about intent but impact – Very little in life is about intentions. It’s about outcomes and impact. When our intentions are good and the impact is good, those are the best days. When our intentions are good but they lack action towards achieving them, the end result is no different than never having had those intentions in the first place. And when our intentions are good but the outcome is bad, our intentions don’t matter. Life is about impact. When our actions have a negative impact on others, it becomes imperative that we take accountability for our actions and put in the work to make things right.
  5. Develop good habits – Our personal habits tend to have a cascading effect. When we engage in one positive habit, others are likely to follow. When we choose one negative habit, others are likely to develop as well. The habits we develop frame the way we interact with ourselves, those around us, and our community as a whole. One of my personal habits is going to bed early. When I go to bed early, I know other related habits will fall into place in my day. The chances I will eat better, exercise, and step away from my screens all increase. They work in concert with one another. Professionally, the same pattern emerges. When I make good choices at work, like walking around the campus and connecting with others in their spaces, many of the other professional behaviors I value fall into line, too.
  6. Read, read, read – The expression is cliché, but I genuinely believe that leaders are readers. I encourage others to read. Whether they settle on emerging titles in their industry, books about hobbies and topics that excite them, or novels doesn’t matter. In fact, the best advice might be to settle on some combination of the three. By doing a lot of reading, we expose ourselves to a lot of ideas. And these ideas stay with us as we look to challenge, be innovative, and drive change in our environments.
  7. Say “no” less. Say “yes” more – Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are two of the greatest comedians of our generation. After having recently read each of their biographies, I was struck by the fact that both spoke about a key rule in the world of improv. The rule was to never say no. In their space, saying no killed the scene and left the other actors no where to go. Instead, they learned to say yes and see where things went from there. The lesson resonates with me and I work hard to be someone who says yes to the asks and opportunities that come my way.

Many successful mentorships involve development of strategic and technical skills alongside softer skills on life management and coexisting with others. While the balance between these two outcomes varies for each mentorship pair, the time focusing on each doesn’t really matter. The time itself is the key.

Time is our scarcest resource. When we give our time to others, it sends three important messages: I see you. I believe in you. You’re worth it.

Takeaway

Each of us has a tremendous amount of advice and knowledge to impart on those who look to us as mentors. What specific messages do you want to share?

Policing the Exception

by 1 Comment

What would you find if you began dissecting your corporate policies? Would you find that most rules and procedures were implemented to help better achieve mission? Or would you find multiple examples of policies that were written because of “that one time someone found a loophole and took advantage” or “this particular issue slipped through the cracks once and it resulted in a $100 mistake?”

Many policies are written with the right intention – we put procedures in place to protect ourselves and our organizations. However, just as often policies are written as a result of one-time incidents that exposed a potential liability in how we interact with the public. So, to protect us from the small minority of individuals who would abuse this opportunity, we construct pathways and build barriers that make these simple interactions more difficult for everyone involved. 

There’s a good chance if you look around you can find the policies that are ready to be revised (if not thrown out all together). Some telltale signs would be any policy that was implemented more than 10 years ago and hasn’t been reviewed since, any policy that requires more than 2 employee signatures to accomplish a simple transaction, or any policy that effects everyone you do business with and was implemented as the result of just a few isolated incidents of concern. 

Policies are critical aspects of our work as they guide and drive what we do. However, policies often frustrate those on the front line who feel blocked in and prevented from doing their work to the best of their ability. If we’re hiring right, it should be an easy decision to empower our team to act. Policing the exception only creates headaches for everyone involved. 

Takeaway

Identify a policy or procedure you put in place because you were burned once in the past. Is the new process worth it?  

Let me know in the comments below.

Leading Naked

by 1 Comment

We’ve all been there – Sitting in a meeting where you know the decision makers aren’t listening. The choice was rubber stamped long ago, and leadership is slowly going through the motions and checking boxes as they move toward implementation. The meetings before the meeting took place, negotiations were made, and concessions took place. The current conversation is merely for show. 

The permeation of politics and hidden agendas causes significant concern for authentic leaders. We sit beside colleagues who are wearing masks. They say the right things and act the right way, all while already having made promises to others about how things would turn out. Even in the face of compelling evidence, their steadfast commitment to their view won’t waver. It’s irritating and aggravating. And it happens all the time. 

How would things look different if we called one another out in these moments? What would happen if we shed our masks and led naked?

Often, we see these moments of bias unfolding in real time and fail to act as we second guess whether we have the ability to call out the “elephant in the room.” An argument can be made that we not only have the ability to call this behavior out, we actually have the responsibility to do so. There is no grace in standing idly by and letting moments like this pass only to subsequently call the outcome (and by association, ourselves) a victim of circumstance. 

Takeaway

Are you alert for the masks blocking transparency for your team? Can you call them out? Are you yourself sometimes guilty of wearing a mask in your interactions? Can you take the vulnerable leap to lead naked?   

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

The Best Leader You Know

by Leave a Comment

One of my favorite ways to start speaking engagements is to ask the audience to go through a series of reflection questions with me. I ask them to close their eyes and consider the answers to the following questions:

What’s your favorite smell?

Where is your happy place?

How do you prefer to relax?

What’s your favorite food?

Which is the best type of music? 

Then, I tell them I have one more question to ask. 

Who is the best leader you know personally? And why?

After allowing them a moment to think, I take a survey of their answers. I invite them to raise their hand if they settled on a person in their family, a former boss or colleague, a religious leader, or a friend. I normally get a few hands raised for each category. Then I ask how many of the attendees chose themselves. I normally get several chuckles and very few hands. Then I challenge the group and ask “Why not?” Answers normally range from individuals claiming they’re too experienced to be the best leader they know to that it’s conceited to call themselves the best to that his or her impact is not extensive enough. 

As a follow up, I ask the attendees if they struggled with selecting just one person to label the best. Most of the group normally says yes. When I ask why, they share that it’s hard because Mom leads well in one way and his or her pastor leads well in a different way. And as great as both of them are, they each have weaknesses as well. 

This is the answer I’m hoping for. I share with the group that the difficulty in selecting one person to be the best leader they know is the result of each of us being strong in some places and weaker in others. However, we’re each in a unique position to see the strengths of those around us and integrate them all into our personal style. I can embrace Mom’s focus on putting others first and try to be more mindful about finishing projects I start. I can adopt my pastor’s public speaking style without rambling on occasionally. In essence, while developing my leadership character, I can cherry pick the best of those around me. And if I do that well, it should make me the best. 

Takeaway

Who is the best leader you know personally? And why? How have you worked to integrate his or her strengths into the way you lead every day?  

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

A Seat at the Table

by Leave a Comment

In watching organizational politics, it’s a pet peeve of mine to see participants in staff meetings who say nothing during the conversation, month after month. The low participation may be for any number of reasons – perhaps their context is so focused they don’t have perspective on the bigger-picture issues being discussed…perhaps self-esteem issues prevent them from believing in their own ideas enough to voice them…perhaps their ideas have been ignored in the past and they’re frustrated, thus making it the adult equivalent of “I’m taking my ball and going home.”

As I reflected on the dynamic, two leadership lessons jump out at me. First, if you have a seat at the table, use it. Non-participants have made a decision that their contributions don’t matter. They may be right. Or there may be any other number of factors in play that led to perceiving the situation as they have. Organizations that experience this would be better served, in the long run, by the non-participants finding the courage to voice his or her frustration and explore solutions other than simply opting out of participation moving forward. The conversation would be difficult, and likely at times uncomfortable, but it would move the organization to a healthier place. Organizations make a financial investment in their team. The return on this investment is the participation and active engagement by those individuals in pursuit of the mission. 

Second, I’m hard-pressed to believe the presiders of these meetings are unaware of what’s happening. As a leader, it’s important we keep our finger on the pulse of what’s happening. Assuming the meeting had been organized with the appropriate personnel at the table, these non-participants’ experiences and ideas need to be included in the conversation. Still, these individual’s decision to disengage was unlikely tied to a one-time thing. This indicates that the facilitator either saw the emerging pattern and did not intervene because he didn’t know how or (and possibly worse!) didn’t care. Leadership requires the social grace to facilitate in ways that are comfortable and inclusive. When members feel excluded, the entire team pays a price. 

Takeaway

Do you have the right people at your meetings? Are they there for the right reasons? Are you paying attention to the verbal and nonverbal cues from team members who aren’t engaged?  

Share your thoughts in the comments below.