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Leadership

Leader Failing Forward

February 15, 2026 by Dave Urso Leave a Comment

During my sophomore year at JMU, I decided I wanted to be the Duke Dog. To be fair, the intense passion to be the Duke Dog ran for about a two week window between when I saw a flyer announcing auditions for the role and the day of the audition. I arrived at the audition location and lined up with several hundred other students. The line was moving quickly as students would enter into a changing room, put on the Duke Dog outfit, and then proceed into another room and entertain the gathered decision makers. 

My turn came and I enthusiastically suited up and went into Duke Dog mode. I was excited. I was enthusiastic. I was ready. I jogged into the audition space and I stood there. And I waited. There were all sorts of props on a table in front of me. I didn’t pick up or interact with a single one. I stood there. And I waited. One of the members of the panel cheered, “Wave to the crowd!” So I waved. And I put my hand back by my side. And I stood there. And I waited. Another panel member coached me, “Grab that broom and show us what you’ve got!” So I grabbed the broom from in front of me and I held it. 

Did I point to the hypothetical opponent, pretend to stomp on them, and sweep them away? Nope. 

Did I flip the broom sideways and play it like an air guitar? Nope. 

Did I hold the broom over my head rooting for a sweep and stirring the crowd into a frenzy? Nope. 

I stood there. And I held the broom. 

One of the panel members jumped in, thanked me for coming to the audition, and sent me back to change so they could meet the next candidate. 

I did not get to be Duke Dog. 

person standing on top of rock
Photo by Suliman Sallehi on Pexels.com

The Dayton Muddler is a local event designed to both raise money for charity and build a sense of community among friends and neighbors. It’s a mud run, filled with obstacles to test your physical and mental abilities as you push yourself and your teammates to their limit. 

Years ago, I was contacted by the event organizer who shared with me that they needed a motivational speaker to hang out at the start line for the race and hype up participants as they were waiting. I was excited for the opportunity. I was starting to gain some momentum in the motivational speaker space and knew this would be a great chance to expand my base. 

I spent some time researching the Muddler event itself and the charity that the proceeds would support. I planned out carefully the key points race participants should be thinking about that would be both motivational and reflective as they got started. 

At no point did I look into what a start line “hype speech” is supposed to be. (As a frame of reference, here’s Dustin Dorough’s.)

So, I got to the Muddler, got to the start line, and got the microphone. I shared a five minute monologue about why pushing yourself matters, why this specific charity was so impactful, and what it meant to lead a life of purpose. The 50 people cued up for the first heat were kind and respectful, while also looking at me with eyes that said, “Can you please be done so we can go do this thing?” I wrapped up and off they went. 

I wasn’t invited back to be the hype guy for the event again. In fact, I was replaced before the third heat of participants hit the starting line about 45 minutes later. 

man in jump on mountain peak at dawn
Photo by Stephen Leonardi on Pexels.com

Since 2013, Valley Business Keynote has served as a cornerstone event in business networking, growth, and innovation across the Shenandoah Valley. VBK’s mission is to help fulfill potential and is impressive for all the right reasons. 

In 2018, I was invited to be an event speaker. I was gifted the opening slot and charged with warming the crowd up ahead of Kim Scott’s presentation on Radical Candor. I worked with the committee in the lead up to the event and we settled on a delivery for me focused on the concept of being a catalyst for change. 

I spent several months thinking about my message, tweaking the content, seeking input from friends and mentors, refining the content, and preparing to deliver. I focused on the diverse personal stories, skill sets, and professional journeys that would be in the room. I considered my comments with the intentionality and hope that something would connect with each of them. 

The event day came and I was excited. This was my chance. I had always wanted to give a TED talk, and this was as close as I expected to get. I was pumped. I was waiting backstage and just casually chatting with Kim Scott and the event host and I could feel the adrenaline starting to really take off. It was go time. 

I savored my time on stage and delivered the message I had prepared. I enjoyed my time with the audience and I believe it showed. 

Afterward, I could tell that the team who had vouched for me was a bit disappointed with my comments. Their reaction was positive but I could tell it was coated in a bit of let down. We had a formal debrief a few days later and my primary takeaway from the conversation was that I had delivered a positive and important message. It lacked the direction and impact they were seeking, but it was overall just a little bit off. 

Between us, and myself included, we couldn’t determine what exactly was off, and why what I presented didn’t align with expectations. When asked the direct question, “How could it have been better?” no one in the room or engaged in the follow up conversations afterward could provide a direct answer. 

In each of these cases – being the Duke Dog, being the start line hype guy, and being the opening speaker – something went sideways and I failed to deliver what was expected. When that happens, it’s so easy to take it to heart, sit in the distress, and fret over the perceived failure. 

However, with some mental distance from the events, I have a much better understanding about what happened and how much learning took place and value was added to my life as a result of each event.

While I didn’t get to be Duke Dog in front of a packed stadium, I did get a chance to reflect and grow on what it means to interact and feed energy into a large audience. I wasn’t a great hype guy, but being in the race space got me energized about fitness again and started a health journey that continues to keep me motivated today. Not only was I a participant in the Muddler over the next few years, but I’ve done countless other similar events and now even drag my family along as participants, too. And while I didn’t deliver exactly what was needed to the VBK crowd, the experience made me even more intentional about the work I’m doing in the motivational speaking space and the questions I ask to make sure we’re each well positioned to exceed expectations. 

Again, it’s so easy to flip the mindset to simply saying no to asks that challenges your boundaries just a bit. Yet something is lost when that choice becomes a pattern. Having a team of leaders who continue to say yes – even when it’s hard, even when it’s gone sideways on us before, even when we don’t feel like it – is a distinguishing factor in our ability to build the community of tomorrow we are seeking.

Having a team of leaders who continue to say yes – even when it’s hard, even when it’s gone sideways on us before, even when we don’t feel like it – is a distinguishing factor in our ability to build the community of tomorrow we are seeking.

Filed Under: Leadership Tagged With: bravery, Failure happens, Leadership patience

Leader as Fearless?

January 28, 2026 by Dave Urso Leave a Comment

If we continue to operate in the ways we always have, we’ll continue to generate the same results. If we want to create a better tomorrow for ourselves, our families, our organizations, and our communities, we have to be willing to disrupt our routines.

This disruption might be focused on small items, resulting in minor tweaks to standard practices. Or the disruption might be focused on major overhauls, looking at system-level changes that help us pivot from where we are to where we wish to be. But the disruption will be the result of leaders intentionally challenging established patterns of thinking and working.

Often, leaders who facilitate growth of this kind are labeled as “fearless.” A fearless leader is just that – a leader without fear. A leader who develops a bold vision for the team and fights for that outcome at all costs. These leaders are aware that there will be collateral damage as a result of their decisions, but they persist anyway, rationalizing that this damage is an acceptable price to pay.

While fearlessness has its place, most leaders are better served by developing their bravery instead. Whereas fearlessness is the absence of fear, bravery is acknowledging the fear and moving forward anyway. Being brave is about embracing grit and determination. But above all else, being brave is about having courage. Courage to say what needs to be said, to do what needs to be done, or to stand alone as an outsider.

Sometimes courage is about saying what needs to be said. While listening to the conversation during the meeting, or watching the e-mail thread unfold, a sense of unease sets in with the realization that something is wrong – groupthink has taken hold, key facts are being ignored, a perspective isn’t being considered – and the choice to speak up or shrink back must be made. In that moment, courage is about challenging the groupthink, reintroducing those key facts, or voicing the missing perspective. Choosing the option to speak is not easy. But it matters.

I’ve personally experienced the tension of being the lone dissenting vote on multiple important decisions over the years. I can vividly recall the feeling in the pit of my stomach as votes were called for and the outcomes declared (“20 votes for, 1 against” and “18 votes for, 1 against”). In each case, I knew I was the sole voice speaking against what was happening. Yet, rather than sit silently and allow the already decided vote to simply play out, I spoke up and shared why I felt these decisions were wrong and in no way in the best long-term interest of the team.

I don’t mind when a decision doesn’t go my way. I understand that thousands of decisions are made every month that impact me and the teams with whom I work. So I tend not to overreact to any given decision. I share this story because in each of these cases (and in so many similar organizational conversations that don’t end with votes but do shape the path forward) I am consistently surprised by what I experience after. It amazes me how many comments I receive in the hallway after the meeting, or by e-mail or text later in the day or week, thanking me for voicing my perspective in the moment and sharing the individual agrees with my stance.

While I am thankful for the validation of my thinking, I also find myself wondering whether a decision by this individual to agree with me publicly in the meeting might have changed the outcome. If a second voice had joined mine, would a third have felt more comfortable? Would a third voice then have chimed in? How many individuals at the table had feelings they elected not to share? And what are the consequences associated with those decisions?

Sometimes courage is about doing what needs to be done. Imagine a scenario in which you need to speak with a team member about their performance. He or she is not contributing at the level they are expected to be and you need to have a conversation about accountability. It will be a difficult conversation. In contrast to the fearless leader’s “consequences be damned” approach to the dialogue, the brave leader embraces empathy as the foundation of a constructive discussion about how to best move forward. Being brave means accepting the responsibility of delivering bad news, acknowledging that you might upset someone, and understanding that you may get yelled, but acting anyway. Ignoring reality does not change it.

Consistently demonstrating courage takes practice. There are no short cuts – no courage vitamins or booster shots to speed up the process. Rather, bravery is about listening to our instincts and acting with courage each time the opportunity to do so presents itself.

One thing that helps me choose courage in the moments I need it is a reminder a mentor shared with me a few years ago. The comment was “It’s critical that you are defined by something other than your job. Our jobs matter…but our value is so much more than that.” This simple statement is a constant reminder for me that my leadership legacy will be defined by my decisions in those moments that offer courage. Given the opportunity to stand up or shrink back, I hope that my children and the others I hold close will choose to be brave, because that’s what they saw me model all along. 

Takeaway

Consistently demonstrating courage takes practice. There are no short cuts – no courage vitamins or booster shots to speed up the process.

Filed Under: Leadership Tagged With: bravery, leadership

Leading with Purpose

October 20, 2022 by Dave Urso Leave a Comment

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. —Mark Twain

One of the most significant leadership mentors I’ve ever had was Dr. Mark Warner. I was fortunate to connect with Dr. Warner when I was 18 and have shared many conversations with him over the years that have molded me into the person I aspire to be today. Dr. Warner is the embodiment of the concepts of challenge and support that stand as the foundation of how great leaders positively transform communities.

During my senior year at JMU, I was enrolled in Dr. Warner’s “Health & Leadership” course. One of the assignments of this course was to develop our Personal Mission Statement. I toiled over the assignment for several weeks and ended up with a submission that included both a picture and a narrative which I felt told the story of both where I was and of where I was striving to go.

For several years, I left a framed copy of the picture and my statement in my closet. It was meant to serve as a daily reminder of my goals. I continue to reflect on the sentiments in that statement often, as I look to make more progress on my personal journey. 

Several months ago, I read the book Leading from Purpose by Nick Craig. Craig’s thesis statement can be summarized as “If you can’t succinctly state your purpose, then your chances of achieving it are nearly non-existent.” He challenges readers, aggressively, to have a crisp answer to the question, “What is your purpose?” His assertion is that the purpose statement for an individual should be less than 2 or 3 sentences. 

Around this time, I was also engaged in an extended study with a group of leaders I admire. So, I added a purpose statement assignment to our research. The purpose statements they shared left me awe-struck and inspired as they renewed my sense of purpose and a true desire to look to leave my areas of influence better than I found them. The sincerity of these leaders’ submissions also led me to reconsider my own purpose, and I edited the picture and narrative from so long ago to a simple statement that I feel reflects my purpose for being. 

Understanding purpose matters – it helps shape decision-making and influences the choices we make as we recruit others to join our team, fight for our cause, and serve as our mentors. Settling on a purpose statement that stands the test of time isn’t always easy, but the effort is always worth it.

Takeaway

My purpose is to build bridges. What’s yours?

Filed Under: Leadership, Mentorship Tagged With: leadership, purpose

Policing the Exception

September 26, 2019 by Dave Urso 1 Comment

What would you find if you began dissecting your corporate policies? Would you find that most rules and procedures were implemented to help better achieve mission? Or would you find multiple examples of policies that were written because of “that one time someone found a loophole and took advantage” or “this particular issue slipped through the cracks once and it resulted in a $100 mistake?”

Many policies are written with the right intention – we put procedures in place to protect ourselves and our organizations. However, just as often policies are written as a result of one-time incidents that exposed a potential liability in how we interact with the public. So, to protect us from the small minority of individuals who would abuse this opportunity, we construct pathways and build barriers that make these simple interactions more difficult for everyone involved. 

There’s a good chance if you look around you can find the policies that are ready to be revised (if not thrown out all together). Some telltale signs would be any policy that was implemented more than 10 years ago and hasn’t been reviewed since, any policy that requires more than 2 employee signatures to accomplish a simple transaction, or any policy that effects everyone you do business with and was implemented as the result of just a few isolated incidents of concern. 

Policies are critical aspects of our work as they guide and drive what we do. However, policies often frustrate those on the front line who feel blocked in and prevented from doing their work to the best of their ability. If we’re hiring right, it should be an easy decision to empower our team to act. Policing the exception only creates headaches for everyone involved. 

Takeaway

Identify a policy or procedure you put in place because you were burned once in the past. Is the new process worth it?  

Let me know in the comments below.

Filed Under: Leadership Tagged With: everyday dynamic

Leading Naked

September 19, 2019 by Dave Urso 1 Comment

We’ve all been there – Sitting in a meeting where you know the decision makers aren’t listening. The choice was rubber stamped long ago, and leadership is slowly going through the motions and checking boxes as they move toward implementation. The meetings before the meeting took place, negotiations were made, and concessions took place. The current conversation is merely for show. 

The permeation of politics and hidden agendas causes significant concern for authentic leaders. We sit beside colleagues who are wearing masks. They say the right things and act the right way, all while already having made promises to others about how things would turn out. Even in the face of compelling evidence, their steadfast commitment to their view won’t waver. It’s irritating and aggravating. And it happens all the time. 

How would things look different if we called one another out in these moments? What would happen if we shed our masks and led naked?

Often, we see these moments of bias unfolding in real time and fail to act as we second guess whether we have the ability to call out the “elephant in the room.” An argument can be made that we not only have the ability to call this behavior out, we actually have the responsibility to do so. There is no grace in standing idly by and letting moments like this pass only to subsequently call the outcome (and by association, ourselves) a victim of circumstance. 

Takeaway

Are you alert for the masks blocking transparency for your team? Can you call them out? Are you yourself sometimes guilty of wearing a mask in your interactions? Can you take the vulnerable leap to lead naked?   

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Filed Under: Leadership Tagged With: everyday dynamic

A Seat at the Table

September 5, 2019 by Dave Urso Leave a Comment

In watching organizational politics, it’s a pet peeve of mine to see participants in staff meetings who say nothing during the conversation, month after month. The low participation may be for any number of reasons – perhaps their context is so focused they don’t have perspective on the bigger-picture issues being discussed…perhaps self-esteem issues prevent them from believing in their own ideas enough to voice them…perhaps their ideas have been ignored in the past and they’re frustrated, thus making it the adult equivalent of “I’m taking my ball and going home.”

As I reflected on the dynamic, two leadership lessons jump out at me. First, if you have a seat at the table, use it. Non-participants have made a decision that their contributions don’t matter. They may be right. Or there may be any other number of factors in play that led to perceiving the situation as they have. Organizations that experience this would be better served, in the long run, by the non-participants finding the courage to voice his or her frustration and explore solutions other than simply opting out of participation moving forward. The conversation would be difficult, and likely at times uncomfortable, but it would move the organization to a healthier place. Organizations make a financial investment in their team. The return on this investment is the participation and active engagement by those individuals in pursuit of the mission. 

Second, I’m hard-pressed to believe the presiders of these meetings are unaware of what’s happening. As a leader, it’s important we keep our finger on the pulse of what’s happening. Assuming the meeting had been organized with the appropriate personnel at the table, these non-participants’ experiences and ideas need to be included in the conversation. Still, these individual’s decision to disengage was unlikely tied to a one-time thing. This indicates that the facilitator either saw the emerging pattern and did not intervene because he didn’t know how or (and possibly worse!) didn’t care. Leadership requires the social grace to facilitate in ways that are comfortable and inclusive. When members feel excluded, the entire team pays a price. 

Takeaway

Do you have the right people at your meetings? Are they there for the right reasons? Are you paying attention to the verbal and nonverbal cues from team members who aren’t engaged?  

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Filed Under: Leadership Tagged With: everyday dynamic

Focus on Purpose

August 29, 2019 by Dave Urso Leave a Comment

Last year, I was approached by the executive director of Any Given Child and asked to consider participating in an upcoming fundraiser. Any Given Child is a regional nonprofit that routinely impresses me and has a habit of improving childrens’ lives through exposure to the arts, to participate in a fundraiser. (If you’re contemplating charitable gifts over the remainder of the year, I’d absolutely encourage you to consider this team!) Because I believed in the leadership team and the mission, I agreed to participate without hesitation. The event was a lip sync battle. Over the next few months we recruited a team, practiced, and got ready to do out best fake singing. Our performance was an adventure. And we lost…by a landslide. 

It’s easy to categorize the entire experience as a failure. I’m a competitive person. I want to win. I aspire to be the very best at the things I do. And in this case, we came up short. And we finished last. 

In the moment, it nevers feels good to finish last. But on reflection, I came back to my original purpose for agreeing to participate in the event – I believed in the leaders of the organization and I believed in their mission. We may not have raised more money than the others, but we raised important dollars that helped them do their work. And their mission of getting children exposed to the arts was advanced as I was able to take my own children and bring them past their own issues with stage fright and clunky choreography and get them excited to participate alongside us. So when I evaluate the experience against the intended purpose…when I think about the laughs we shared as we practiced and the time we spent together, it turns out the whole episode was a pretty big win.

As a leader, I often fear that my team will lose sight of purpose and mission. We risk forgetting why we are doing the work we do. If we took the time to establish a mission statement for every department, every committee, and every project we undertook, would we get a better sense of what we’re doing and how the pieces fit together? Would those we work with display stronger levels of buy-in and increase contribution? Could we, in looking at these statements as a batch, find even better ways to put our team members in their best position to succeed? Do focused mission statements at the project level allow employees to cut away from the “noise” and focus on the work that matters?

Takeaway

What would your team’s mission statements look like at the department, committee, and project level? Collectively, would they tell the right story and show the roadmap that supports the purpose of your organization as a whole? Would the simple act of developing the mission statement as new initiatives launch make a meaningful difference in the work that follows?  

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Filed Under: Leadership Tagged With: everyday dynamic

Transactional vs. Transformational

August 22, 2019 by Dave Urso Leave a Comment

Some people don’t like me. There, I said it out loud. I’ve spent much of my career believing that if I could lead in just the right way, I could win the entire team over and get everyone to like me. I’d be deeply loved and respected and responsible for bridging the gap between where my organization was and where it wanted to be. When I knew I was giving everything I had to my team, and some colleagues openly didn’t like me, it drove me crazy. I’d try to dissect the reason why, try to adapt my style, try to kill them with kindness, try everything I could think of to “win them over.”  

Recently, I’ve come full circle with my thinking. There are so many facets involved in successfully leading a complex organization. Some, I do well. Others, I struggle with. But I’ve drawn a parallel in my leading to what I long ago learned about teaching. When I was a young teacher, I’d be lecturing to a group of 40. 25 of the students would be engaged and actively participating in the conversation. 10 would be mentally checking in and out over the course of the class. 3 would be absent. And the last 2 would be present, but actively disengaged from my teaching – they might be texting, or chatting with each other, or tweeting, or sleeping. I spent months agonizing about how to get these two students more involved in the course. I mean, they were invested, right? They’d gone through the effort of registering and paying tuition…why couldn’t I get them on board? What was I doing wrong? Over time, I tried different strategies to pull them into what we are doing. What I noticed has stuck with me ever since. As I tried different approaches, those two students remained actively uninterested in what was happening. However, several students who were in the original 25 who were active in class also seemed to be less engaged as my style was changing. Essentially, in an effort to draw the outliers in, I cost myself the partnership of some students who had been engaged all along. I could no longer obsess about getting these last two students involved, since I knew it was coming at the cost of giving the rest of the class my very best. 

So it is with leadership. I’ve spent time analyzing patterns of the different interactions I have with my colleagues. The primary distinction I’ve identified is the rapport I feel with others when our relationship is defined primarily as transactional or transformational. With transactional connections, we focus on task accomplishment. I may sign a time sheet, approve a purchase order, or suggest a professional development conference to attend. With transformational connections, there’s always more depth. We do transactional work, but also discuss where that individual wants to be in 5 years, what their favorite products and programs will look like, and how we can better work together to uplift those around us. 

In short, the transactional connections feel like business as usual. And the transformational ones inspire me to work harder and do what I can to continue to push change and challenge us to grow. In other words, to lead.

Takeaway

As a leader, are you engaging in more work that is transactional or transformational? Are your team members getting what they want when it comes to these interactions? Some connections come easier than others. Some team members desire just a transactional relationship with you. Others naturally develop a transformational one. Is there a third group – one that wants a transformational connection, but can’t figure out how to get there? 

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Filed Under: Leadership Tagged With: everyday dynamic

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